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Does the title of this blog post make you cringe a little?
Does talking about salary with your boss, or payment with your clients make you feel uncomfortable?
Up until a few weeks ago, I felt the same. If I were in your position, reading this post right now, I would’ve closed the tab already.
I urge you to keep reading because I want to share how you can also reach more peace and comfort in regards to money.
It may not be obvious if you have unhealthy relationship with money. I certainly didn’t think I did until I started my business. I brushed it off and convinced myself that feeling awkward about money was common (it is). But we have the capacity to change that.
I recently had an epiphany about my relationship with money.
First, let me be honest. I had a distance reiki session last week focusing ON money and I think it sparked this new revelation. I don’t know if it “worked” but the simple act of spending my money on it probably helped because I made this issue a priority. I don’t think my reiki session sparked a miraculous change as I’ve been digging deeper about my money problems for a few months now.
I grew up with a very hard-working father who was emotionally absent but provided us a lot of financial stability. I got mixed messages about our money status. My mom always said “we’re not rich” but my friends who’d come to my childhood home would say, “OMG you’re rich!” Whatever we were, we definitely lived comfortably and had the privilege to spend. I knew this because my mom would take me on the best shopping sprees and we had a pool in our backyard. Those were my standards of measurement as a kid anyway.
I have a really vivid memory of one of our shopping sprees in my preteens. I really wanted to buy something and my mom said I couldn’t have it. I got so mad, I pushed a clothing rack so hard that it made a domino effect with at least 10 other racks. That was one of the most shameful moments of my life.
Looking back on this moment, I realize that I felt entitled to have money and spend it on what I wanted. I think my mom had the same realization and started putting more limits on spending for me. Not in a punishable way, but in a way that would provide me a healthier relationship to material things.
When my mom said no to “lending” me cash, my dad said yes. I continued to receive mixed messages about money, but I became much more conservative in the last 15 years. I mostly spend on what I really need and I refuse to pay for overpriced items, which I thought was a healthy quality, but now that I’m reflecting, I think it fueled my entitlement to money.
It’s not wrong to feel entitled to money, but it’s given me a false sense of power over every penny.
Being overprotective of my money brings up anxiety around the subject, for fear I could lose this power at any moment. Coming from a place of fear, I’m less likely to attract or welcome more financial abundance in my life.
When I’m selling a service and feel preoccupied about “Will I make the sale? Will I get the income I need?” My prospective clients will feel that. They’re more likely to subconsciously think “Maybe she doesn’t believe in the value of her service… I’ll pass.”
I DO believe in the value of my services but when I feel entitled to money, there’s a part of me saying “You should pay me. I deserve your money.” That’s certainly not the hidden message I want to communicate. I want to empower my clients to make themselves a valuable priority for self-care and a peaceful, meaningful life.
I want to sell my services because I truly, deeply believe I’m going positively impact their lives and help them reach the result they’re seeking. The money is just an amazing reward from the universe, thanking me for what I do.
Money is a gift for which we should be wholeheartedly grateful.
Last Friday, I received a very small bonus at my job. The last time I received a bonus was more than 2 years ago so I was excited. When I opened the envelope, my initial reaction was, “That’s it?! I deserve more!” The entitlement crept right back in and I tapped into frustration about being undervalued.
But this wasn’t my income. I didn’t ask for this money. It came to me. I had another thought, “This is a nice surprise. I’m a few hundred dollars richer. That’s a gift.”
Over the weekend, I sold a big package to a new client and I sold another spot to my online workshop. It felt like money was just flowing through me.
Yes, I spent time making the sale and I worked really hard on creating and promoting my workshop, but I didn’t earn their money. I earned their trust. It’s my luck that those clients value their growth and believe in my skills as much as I believe in myself.
Today, I received an email that my stock money was available to buy. This happens every quarter and I contribute from my own paycheck, but this felt like a real gift. The deep sense of gratitude I felt about having this money come to me at that moment of my life was huge.
I feel immensely light and happy as I think about money now because I feel that I’m attracting it with such ease. A huge weight has lifted off me. I’ve repaired a lifelong relationship that was strained for such a long time. Money and me – we value each other now.
Why talk to you about money?
As Creative Arts Therapists and body-centered healers, we’re not known for our abundant income. The story is more often that we’re overworked, underpaid, and undervalued. Even with my newfound perspective, I believe I should be receiving more for the value I offer as a director and dance/movement therapist. That’s why I decided to start my own business.
If you resonated with any of my “money issues” or thought that I was distasteful or offensive talking about money (it’s true, I’m a white privileged woman, with a diamond wedding band, writing a blog post about money), I want to encourage you to look deeper into your relationship with money.
If you’ve been unsatisfied with your paycheck or you’re building your own biz but can’t seem to attract paying clients, you may want to prioritize how you can heal your relationship with money before taking the next step.
I absolutely believe you should ask for that pay raise and negotiate your starting salary/benefits. I believe you should take the leap and start your own business. However, I want to caution you not to make the same mistakes I did.
At first, a big part of my WHY was “I want to make more money.” Not realizing the importance of setting a foundation with an authentic, aligned purpose, I thought that taking the time to figure out my WHY was just getting in the way of making money. Turns out, I could barely attract a client and I made close to nothing.
So, what energy do you give off when it comes to money? What emotions come up and how does it affect the way you physically feel and move your body? Are your values as a healer aligned with your values about money?
If you’d like more guidance on making money in a way that aligns with your purpose, I offer business coaching services for creative therapists, healers, and coaches. Check out my services on my Facebook page if you’re interested in working with me!